The Lindon Tales
by Filegedhiel
Summary: From cheese to squirrels, A massive compilation still in progress of all the strangest pranks played in Lindon.
1. Chapter 1

LP: HA, New Story.

Glorfindel: Is it not time to tell them?

LP: Tell them what?

Elrond: The disclaimer.

LP: Whas that?

Elrond: Never mind. I'll do it…

Glorfindel: LP does not own us. She just owns the plot.

Elrond: Hey that was my line.

LP: What some candy?

Glorfindel & Elrond: stare

* * *

It was night. The silver moon was high in the dark sky and the crickets were playing their quiet serenade. All was right with the world. Or it would have been had two heavily drunk elves been in their beds dead to the world. But they were not, and thus our tale begins.

It started with perfectly innocent intentions. Both Elrond and Glorfindel had been victims to the High King's whining about his duties all day and both thought that the young king could use some laughter in his life. That day had just happened to be the very day that many warriors had come home after a long absence; so naturally, a feast was thrown in their honor.

Dinner was pleasant enough with plenty of food and entertainment. Wine had flown freely causing nearly every elf in the building to become drunk as well as the sizeable wine cellar of Lindon to almost be completely emptied. It just so happened that two very important advisors had become drunk in the process. These two elves happened to be kind elves that just wanted to help their friend out. Said elves also were said to be quite undisciplined when it came to pranks and fun. One could only wonder what went on in their peculiar minds.

Gil-Galad, the High King and friend of Elrond and Glorfindel, had been watching their wine consumption since Elrond had nearly overturned an entire pitcher of water onto his formal robes. Being the High King, he had to set an example for the other elves by not participating in the ridiculous emptying of his precious wine cellars. At most, he had two glasses; while the other two had so many that he lost count. Weary and slightly disgusted, Gil- Galad excused himself, dismissing the party of merry drunk elves. With a last look at the terrible two, he left the room as fast as possible.

The night found two stumbling elves who went by the names of Glorfindel and Elrond, practically carrying each other out in the direction of the stable. Unexpectedly Glorfindel slurred out with as much dignity as possible, "Ya wanna do something funny to Gil-Gal… Gallay… No… Galey…to Gilly, Eldilly?"

The other who was just as inebriated, garbled out, "Ooo, yama do doofy." Which roughly translated to, "Ooo, you and me do funny."

So they sat down to think, and think, and think, until they both came to the conclusion that they were both to drunk to come up with anything worthy of a prank. It wasn't until Elrond complained of smelling the horse manure did they think of something worthwhile.

With a knowing look in their slightly glazed eyes, they turned and headed to the stable to pick up the equipment they would need to pull of the scheme. Around ten minutes and two tripped over broomsticks later they met in the courtyard and made a beeline for the King's rooms. Between them both, they had one ladder, several lengths of rope, a wooden pole that looked like it had been recently liberated from its job as a chair leg, and a rucksack full of some unknown substance.

Their plan was really quite ingenious. The already sort of knew what they were doing since they had made a crude drawing while in the courtyard, so the work went rather quickly and both exhausted elves made their way back to their beds, eager for the morning to come.

Stretching, the young king of the Noldor happily rose to greet the new day. He had decided as he fell asleep that he would give he court the day off as he was sure most of them were still abed and slightly intoxicated. That brought his thoughts to his two advisors.

'They drank quite a bit. I should have stayed to make sure they made it to their rooms safely and without any delays. Oh well, maybe this will teach them to limit their consumption of the beverage.'

Shrugging off the slight feeling of apprehension, Gil- Galad made his way over to his large bathing pool, ready for a long hot soak.

Elrond was the first to awaken of the two. He immediately had a feeling that he had to be somewhere but, for the life of him, could not remember where he was supposed to be. Completely confused once again, he rolled over and went back to sleep. It was not until latter in the day that he awoke for the second time to a loud whinny from the stables.

'I wonder if there is something wrong. With the way those horses are carrying on I would not be surprised. Why do I feel as though I should be somewhere? It as almost as if I did something, but I don't remember anything except for that evil broom. Wait, why do I remember a broom?'

Eyes wide with understanding, Elrond shot out of bed and hurried to pull on his clothes before taking off down the hall to Glorfindel's chambers.

Annoyed was not the right word to use when Glorfindel was rudely awakened by a bucket of cold water pouring itself onto his head.

'Why must I wake up? I was having such a nice dream too.'

And indeed he was, since dreams about food were always appealing to him. But the little imp that had dared to awaken the balrog slayer was now roughly shaking him, and unable to keep his eyes closed any longer, the elf grudgingly opened his eyes to an agitated Elrond.

"What is it Elrond? I was sleeping."

Rolling his eyes in irritation, Elrond's reply came quickly, "Come on Glor, remember last night, our plan to help Gil- Galad cheer up? He should be coming out soon and I really don't want to miss this."

Blinking Glorfindel slowly digested the younger elf's dialogue before realizing what he was talking about and with a cry of 'Sweet Eru!' the elf flew out of bed and into his closet. Seconds later both elves were on their way to their victims… er, friend's room.

Somehow Gil-Galad had decided that today was a great day. There were no hyper elves jumping around him talking to him about how wonderful the horrible pink robes looked on him and how strange his glass smelt. He would by lying if he said that he did not wonder what had happened to the two tricksters. Not really caring, he assumed that they were still in bed.

What a fool he could be.

Lazily the King reached out and pushed open his door and without a care in the world, he stepped into the hall only to have a sack of wet smelly horse manure to be dropped down upon his newly washed hair.

'This is disgusting,' was his first coherent thought until he heard the muted laughter of two elves he knew quite well.

'I am going to kill them,' was his second coherent thought.

And that was how the High King of the Noldor ended up chasing his two most trusted advisors and close friends through the crowded streets of Lindon covered from head to toe in horse manure.

* * *

Okay. Chappie one is done. I will write Chappie two when I think of a good prank. Seeya next time.

Lord Pomeko


	2. Chapter 2

LP: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

BAM

LP runs into random wall

Glorfindel: HA!

Gil- Galad and Elrond: LP does not own us.

Elrond: All she owns is a rather large bruise on her head.

* * *

It was one day until the Gates of Summer and already Elrond had noted the decline in the mood of the normally jovial Glorfindel. Concerned, Elrond had asked for advice from Gil-Galad about the advisor's poor manner. The only advice that Gil-Galad had to offer was to be there for the blond elf that was obviously suffering.

NNNNNNN

Elrond sat, well sprawled, in what was his favorite chair. He was supposed to be outside enjoying the warmth of the sun and the light breeze, but he was too plagued with guilt over the blond elf's misery. Speaking of blond elves, said blond elf was arranged out beneath the boughs of his favorite tree. His body lay in such a way that Elrond was sure it could not be good for the spinal chord. His arms lay stretched away from him, one hand immersed in golden locks, the other clutching a sword until his knuckles were white. Elrond watched, as the elf seemed to go through a fit of sorts, his head rocking back and forth quickly while tears rolled down his face.

NNNNNNN

No immediate answer came to the advisor turned healer. Usually lying upside down gave him some idea as well as a rush of blood to the head. Slowly and with no small amount of regret the young elf sat up. He sighed as feeling returned to the lower half of his body, that's when it hit him. Grinning almost evilly in a way that was reminiscent of Glorfindel himself, Elrond hurried away to make his plans.

NNNNNNN

The night found Elrond passed out in an undignified heap upon his bead. So tired was he, that he had not even bothered to change his clothes before tumbling down onto the downy mattress. His endeavor had been successful, in his opinion, and had he been in the state of mind to celebrate, he would have done so.

NNNNNNN

Glorfindel watched the rising of the sun with a rather nostalgic air about him. He remembered it all, the screams of the people, the blood, the fire, everything seemed to haunt him. He was tired, so tired, for he was unable to sleep for fear of his memories, unable to close his eyes lest he see it again, and unable to relax and be caught unaware. He was drawn back into himself as he remembered but was rudely, in his mind, drawn out of thought by a scream of horror or maybe it was a bark of laughter. Shrugging, the blonde elf grabbed up his sword and headed down to the courtyard to find out what the disturbance was.

Pushing his way through the crowd, Glorfindel could hear parts of their conversations.

"How could someone do such a thing?'

"I think its quite funny really. Who do you think did it?'

"I will be my hair that it was Lord Glorfindel."

"Want to buy a beaver?"

The sight that he was greeted with would be one he would never forget. His first thought was that Gil-Galad was hanging by his feet from the roof of the structure. His second thought was 'that's a really good doll. Life sized too.'

And then he laughed.

NNNNNNNN

Elrond watched the scene below with a large smile on his face. Even if it was at the high king's expense it still felt good to hear his long time friend laugh. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Knowing whom it was, Elrond turned slowly, ready to meet his demise by the hand of his good friend. It was not hard to imagine all the gruesome things he could be put through. Carefully he looked up into the eyes of Gil-Galad. And then, "That was a very original idea, Elrond. Much better then the horse manure prank you and Glorfindel pulled."

"Thank you. I think."

Smiling warmly, Gil- Galad looked back down to the crowd, "It is good too hear laughter again even if it is at my expense. Next time use someone else."

NNNNNNNN

And that was the story of how Glorfindel came to be in possession of a life like replica of the high king, which he still has. It's hidden in the armory for anyone who would care to look.

* * *

A/N: I'm alive! I got bored so I wrote this. Huggles computer. 


	3. Chapter 3

Elrond: Twice in one week. Must be a record.

LP: Shut Up. I work hard!

Glorfindel: You have made me depressed lately. Why?

LP: 'Cause you have a good reason.

Elrond: If she owned us we would be three chapters into the first book.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

His finger flexed and drew closer to its target. His eyebrow twitched. He pulled back only to poke in full force. His target let out a shocked yelp and jumped several feet in the air. The victim turned and caught the perpetrator in an elfish version of the headlock and proceeded to tangle the once calm and orderly locks of his assaulter. Neither heard the approaching hoof beats, as they were too busy torturing each other. The sound of someone clearing their throat caught the two's attention. They turned, still in their compromising position, to the dignitary the were supposed to meet. The wrestlers sprang apart guiltily and before they could introduce themselves, "You two must be the Lords Elrond and Glorfindel. Word of your escapades has reached the Greenwood."

Elrond and Glorfindel turned to each other, both with no idea that they were so infamous. Elrond, the quicker of the two, responded first, "Ah… Yes, King Oropher, I am Elrond and this is Glorfindel. We are to lead you to the High King."

Bowing slightly Elrond grabbed the blonde elf's sleeve and dragged him towards the royal hall where Gil- Galad was waiting. The rest of the short trip was uneventful as was the meeting between the high king and the visiting one. It was not till later that night that the strange greeting was brought up to Gil- Galad.

"Gil-Galad, is it customary for your two advisors to greet arriving guests while strangling the other?"

Sighing Gil- Galad responded, "They have done many things. It is them that causes chaos everywhere they go."

"I thought as much. Word of their pranks has reached my borders. My son thinks they are great fun."

"It might be best to keep them away from him. I will send them on patrol."

"No need to do that. I will just keep my son occupied with work."

"Alright. I just have a feeling that they might find each other somehow."

It was as this was said that Glorfindel, Elrond, and Thranduil began plotting an their next act.

Their conversation went as such:

"So what should we do?" That was Thranduil.

"I don't kn.. Glorfindel don't eat that! You don't know where it has been!"

"What do you mean? It's a grape!"

"Yes, but remember those grapes we filled with paint and how we could not find half of them."

"Ah.. Yes. Forgot about that."

"I know. If we are going to prank someone it can't be Gil-Galad. We just got him. It can't be Oropher either or we'll be hanging from our toes. Any ideas Thranduil?"

"We could prank Lhawtyuru. He is an elf my father brought along."

"His name is Ear Cheese?"

"Glorfindel!'

"What Elrond? He has a strange name!"

"Your name means Golden Hair Horror."

"It's Golden Tress! Like my hair!"

"You act more like a horror."

"I take offense at that!"

All through this exchange Thranduil watched while trying not to laugh. And he did laugh when both of them turned and asked, "So what is he like?"

As his laughter finally subsided, he was able to answer them, "He is rather somber. He is not that old either. I have never seen him laugh."

"So in other words, he has an icicle up his…"

"GLORFINDEL!"

"I was just stating facts!"

"Well we need to come up with a plan and Glorfindel keep your mouth shut unless you have an idea."

Several hours later they were able to present a decent plan of action. And right before they adjourned Elrond suggested that they act as if they had never met each other outside of the conference room.

It was not until the moon was high in the sky that Gil-Galad called the two tricksters to his chambers.

"Elrond. Glorfindel. I have something to ask of you."

Both advisors heard the serious tone to his voice and looked at the other before looking back to the king.

"I am meeting with Oropher, Thranduil, and Lhawtyuru tomorrow and I would ask that you two keep a dignified front. You understand what I am saying?"

As Glorfindel was unable to answer lest he get a hernia from trying not to laugh and speaking at the same time, Elrond answered for them both, "We will not cause any trouble tomorrow. You have our word."

The high king nodded and waved them both out the door but before Glorfindel could make it out safely Gil- Galad stopped him.

"Glorfindel. What is wrong with you?"

Glorfindel turned slowly trying to keep his amusement under wraps but was unable to do so and a bark of 'EAR CHEESE' was heard throughout the palace. Gil- Galad twitched but turned to Elrond anyway, "Get him out of here. I am going to bed."

Slinging the still hysterical blonde over his shoulder the half elf began to make his way to their rooms, which happened to be side by side.

They would have been all right had three people not appeared around the corner, setting Glorfindel off again. Oropher and an elf that Elrond thought was Lhawtyuru were staring at them as though slightly confused. Thranduil was just trying not to join the blonde elf in his hysterics.

Oropher was the one that spoke first, "Is he… alright?"

Elrond had come across such a situation before and responded with the only thing that would work, "Yes, my lord, he had a few too many goblets of wine and much too much sugar. He will be fine in the morning."

"Does he do this often?"

It was Lhawtyuru spoke up. Everything including Glorfindel was silent for a second before Glorfindel exploded once again.

"No, only when he has trouble coping with the memories."

All the elves in the hall, except one who was trying to breathe, nodded their understanding before bidding the others goodnight.

It was not until Elrond had reached the sanctuary of Glorfindel's room that he joined the out of control elf on the floor.

Through his tears Glorfindel managed to squeeze out, "His voice… So nasally. I thought I was going to die."

"Oh, me too."

The next day passed without a single flaw and it was not until the next night that they put their plan into action. Thranduil was in charge of getting all the necessary objects, while Elrond was in charge of placing them, and Glorfindel was to keep watch. All three were so excited that they could not sleep. They tried anyway as they all wished to remain blame free.

Lhawtyuru woke the next morning with an awful smell bothering him. At first he thought that something had come into his room and died, then he realized that there was a piece of cheese hanging from his ceiling. The next thing he noticed was the cheese on his bed. It was not until he felt the melted cheese in his hair that he made his situation known.

The almighty shriek brought Oropher, Thranduil, and Gil- Galad running. Two stared in shock and one just pretended. Lhawtyuru spoke angrily to them in his nasally voice, "It was those two. They did this to me. I want them to be punished!"

Gil- Galad just turned and walked to Glorfindel's room first. After knocking he opened the door to find said elf staring blankly out at the sunrise.

"Glorfindel," Gil-Galad called softly, knowing it was the only way to talk to the elf when he was in such a mood.

Glorfindel did not respond but they were able to see a shinning tear run down his perfectly sculpted face. Gil-Galad tried again "Glorfindel come here."

Said elf looked up with fire in his eyes and yelled, "Is it too much to ask to be left alone on the anniversary of my brother's death! Leave me alone!"

With that he ran from the room but not before Thranduil saw his smirk.

Slightly shocked Oropher turned to Gil-Galad and asked, "Are you sure that elf is alright? Elrond claimed that his fit of hysterics a few days ago was his way of coping with the memories."

"He is normally fine, but every once in a while something like this will happen. He could not have done anything in this state. I have my doubts that Elrond would do anything without him. But we shall see."

They left the room to go next door only to find Elrond sound asleep with books pilled all around him and a scroll lying open on his lap. Because of this Gil-Galad and Oropher concluded that neither elf could have done anything. And so Lhawtyuru of the cheese had to return home unsatisfied and smelling to the high heavens.

uuuuuuuuuu

A/N: Wow, that was long for me. Cool! As always reviews are greatly appreciated.


End file.
